


Killer's Remorse

by withasideofangst



Series: Asshole Shorts [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, I should be more sorry than I am, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, What Was I Thinking?, did anyone notice my username that was totally a warning, ooc avengers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-25
Updated: 2015-04-25
Packaged: 2018-03-25 15:58:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3816370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/withasideofangst/pseuds/withasideofangst
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Bucky joins the Avengers (post-CAtWS), the Avengers' behavior towards Hydra is a little more heartless than the recovering assassin expected.  Not that he has any sympathy for them, but these are superheroes we're talking about.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Killer's Remorse

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why this popped into my head.
> 
> I should be sorry for sharing this. (But I'm not.)

The first time Bucky went on a mission with the Avengers to take down a Hydra base, he’d fought through the near-constant pull in his head to complete Pierce’s mission.

He’d been too preoccupied to pay much attention to what the Avengers were doing, focusing on making sure he was fighting the right people.

The second time, each Hydra member fought to the death, and no one surrendered.

The third time, Bucky witnessed Steve break a Hydra agent’s neck and Natasha shot two in the back.  Both events occurred so quickly, the agents had still been holding their weapons by their sides, not aimed at either Avenger.

But something about it itched at Bucky’s mind, and he started watching the Avengers more closely on missions.

On the sixth mission, a dozen Hydra agents surrendered, and Bucky was watching over them from his sniper’s vantage point when Steve walked into the room.

He saw clearly through his scope how the Captain shot each man in the head.

Something heavy formed in Bucky’s gut when he thought right at that moment, Captain America looked an awful lot like the Winter Soldier.

When they all were in the common room in Avengers Tower again, Bucky marched up to Steve and stopped a few feet away, fists clenched.

“What the hell was that?” he demanded angrily.

He distinctly felt the others’ eyes swerve toward him at the tone of his voice.

Steve had the audacity to look confused.

“What was what, Buck?” he asked.

Bucky ground his teeth together.

“You shot the prisoners in the head.”

The confusion only deepened.

“Yeah, Buck.  They were Hydra.”

Bucky’s eyes narrowed and he took a few deep breaths.  A muscle in his jaw twitched.

“You don’t find anything wrong with shooting unarmed agents in the head?”

Bucky felt an itch to his right that meant Natasha had walked closer, silent as a ghost.

“They’re Hydra,” Steve said simply.

Bucky’s jaw dropped and he stared.

“What’s wrong?  After what...they did to you, I would think you’d want to kill them all?”  Steve asked, peering into Bucky’s eyes like _he_ was the one acting strangely.

“I never thought I’d see a day when _Steve Rogers_ , let alone Captain America, would find nothing wrong with killing unarmed men, Hydra or not.”  Bucky watched Steve blink, surprised, and the hard thing in his chest tightened at the lack of remorse.

He spared a glance at Natasha and saw her giving him her usual blank stare, but he could read a similar confusion in her eyes, and the eyes of the other Avengers scattered behind her.

He laughed once, with no mirth in it.

“That’s really it, isn’t it?  You all expect me to be fine with this too, because of - because of the Winter Soldier.”

He shook his head slowly in disbelief when the stares he was receiving grew only more confused.

“That’s not justice.  That’s exactly something the Winter Soldier would do.  Hell, thanks to all of you helping me get my head back, I can remember doing that.”

“Bucky,” Steve started, worry in his voice, but still no remorse.

Bucky’s anger flashed again.

“No, Steve,” he cut him off.  “I’m not looking for your pity, or your sympathy, or _comfort_.  I was looking for remorse over taking lives.  Which none of you seem to feel anymore.”

Steve looked hurt when Bucky backed out of reach.

“Those men were in SHIELD,” he said, and Bucky bristled internally at the placating tone in his voice.  “They’ve killed more of our friends than we can count.”

Bucky shook his head in disbelief.

“You’ve changed,” he said quietly.  “The Steve Rodgers I knew would never have been okay with this.”

“Neither of you are the same,” Natasha said quietly from beside him.

Bucky glanced at her.

“That doesn’t make murder okay.”

He stalked out of the room, still feeling the Avengers’ shocked looks on his back as he left.

He wondered when the ex-Winter Soldier had become more sane than the Avengers.

\---

At the end of their next mission against Hydra, three men surrendered.

Once again, Bucky watched through his scope as Steve walked towards them, and he spotted Barton watching him from where he stood guard near Steve.

He ignored the question Barton voiced through his earpiece, instead watching Steve’s hand.

As soon as it raised a run to fire, Bucky took the shot instead, and the prisoner in front of him fell with a quiet thump.

Steve whirled to look at him, and Bucky could hear multiple Avengers talking to him, but he tuned them out, and quickly shot the other two.

Quick, neat shots.  He was nothing if not quick and efficient.  There was barely even a blood splatter.

Back on the jet, Steve matched over to where Bucky stood apart from the others, Natasha following him and eyeing Bucky carefully, with Barton keeping an eye from across the room, mimicking Bucky’s falsely relaxed posture, leaning against the wall.

“What was that?” Steve demanded.

Now it was Bucky’s turn to look at him with confusion, blinking innocently.

“What was what?” he parroted back.

“You made a huge issue out of shooting Hydra agents last time, and now you took the shots without orders,” Steve half-growled.

“So it isn’t okay if I do it?” Bucky asked dryly.

Steve’s eyes narrowed.

“What are you doing, Buck?” He asked, his voice going soft.

“If we are executing prisoners now,” he said slowly, a cold anger threading through his voice, “then at least the _murderer_ ,” he emphasized the word and saw Steve wince, “is going to be someone who feels guilt over it, Hydra agents or not.” Bucky carefully blanked his face when he finished talking, pulling out the Winter Soldier’s dead stare.

He felt Natasha staring at him, looking for any sign of the Soldier’s reemergence.  (But he wouldn’t emerge, Bucky knew.  This anger was all James Buchanan Barnes’.  The Winter Soldier didn’t get angry over deaths.)

When Steve seemed flabbergasted by his reply, Bucky walked away, still feeling their gazes on him.

\---

Every Hydra mission after that, Bucky knew Steve didn’t want to take him along.

But he came anyway, one time against a direct order, and he had had to hide in the cargo bay of the jet until the plane landed.

He was careful to ensure that he was in place to take a sniper’s shot against anyone who surrendered.  He didn’t even wait for them to be handcuffed anymore.

And each time, he felt the hard thing in his chest grow heavier, and the Avengers only watched him like _he_ was the problem here.

After he’d stolen one of Barton’s prisoner kills, the archer cornered him in his room in the Tower after they’d returned.

“Why do you keep doing this to yourself?”

Bucky didn’t turn to look at Barton.  He was too busy leaning over the toilet, trying to not hurl again.

“I have to keep doing it because any of you can ask me that question,” he said finally.

He heard footsteps walking away five minutes later, still leaning over with his head on his knees.

He couldn’t stop, he knew.

Even though he knew the pain in his chest only got worse with each kill.

None of them were going to survive this with their humanity intact, he thought.  But at least he, the worst of all of them, was going to stop them from letting themselves slip as far down as the Winter Soldier had.

The Winter Soldier needed to save the Avengers, this time.

 


End file.
